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Are you feeling stuck? Is this causing you to feel anxious?
 
Everyone has those days when you could use a little help. Perhaps it's not looking forward to your next presentation, or you don't know where to start with your latest business idea.
 
Maybe it's not feeling motivated enough to start that project you've been thinking about for months or find that perfect client. The bottom line is: sometimes we need the right push in life and the right person to give us that nudge.
 
So, what can you do to make that giant leap forward? Try these strategies: 

1. Take one step back to move forward. Often, the first thing to do when you need to move forward but feel stuck is to step back. Stop. Avoid trying to force something to happen.

 

• Then, you can see what needs to be done and break it down into smaller steps. The more you do, the quicker you'll start to feel better and be in a position to take the next step.

 

1. Monitor your state of mind. When life gives you lemons, it can be hard to see the positive. It's so easy to see the negative situation and feel overwhelmed. Try to stick your head in the sand for a while.

 

• Try to block out circumstances you can't change and focus on the things you can change. Before long, you'll have a much more positive outlook and will end up making more progress than you ever imagined possible.

 

1. Identify the details of what's going on. Sometimes we don't realise how many pieces are involved. It's easy to think you're facing one problem when it's a combination of things.

 

• Be honest with yourself. Which aspects can you change, and what elements can you influence? Also, which parts could you let go?

 

1. Let the past go. Just because you had a terrible experience in the past with no chance of a positive outcome doesn't mean the past has to define you.

 

• Embrace the mistake or pain as a chance to learn and grow. Who knows, the negative experience could be the catalyst for future success.

 

1. Consider your options. Look beyond your current circumstances and examine all the choices and possibilities. Don't get caught up in your present feeling and give up your power. You always have a choice about your next move.

 

• When you look at all the options at your disposal, you feel hopeful, motivated, and empowered.

 

1. Devise a plan and stick to it. At this point, you have all the information you need. You've worked to change your mindset, taken a step back, let the past go, and considered your options. Now, it's time to take action.

 

• Set some goals and realize your dreams. Get out of your way, follow your heart, and seize the moment.

 

1. Remind yourself of your "why." There's no time like the present. Take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way and most importantly, always remember your core values.

 

• Remember why you started this journey and what you ultimately want. This attitude will help you stay strong and focused.

 

1. Start small. Building momentum is crucial to your success. Take small steps each day and gradually build momentum toward your goals.

 

1. Discard what no longer works, even if it worked in the past. Use past experiences as a guide, but don't be afraid to try something new if it works better.

 

• Sometimes, people fail because they're scared to let go of the systems that brought them to their current stage. Don't let that happen to you!

 

1. Always be grateful. Your attitude has a significant impact on your life. Gratitude is the best attitude to have because it takes you away from what you don't want and focuses you on what you do want.

 

• An example of gratitude is feeling thankful to your parents for all they've done for you. Another is feeling thankful for your health and not being afraid to go to the doctor when you have a health issue.

 
Motivation is not always constant, but you can find your way back to it. All you have to do is relax and consider what you're trying to accomplish, really examine your “why.”
 
Even when things seem impossible, there's always a chance for you if you have the patience, determination, and enlightenment to persevere.
 
Try these 10 tips. If the problem lies much deeper and you’re still feeling stuck, reach out for a free consultation to see how I can help you move forward, utilising the power of your subconscious mind. 

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Photo by Jeremy Wong Weddings on Unsplash

A divorce lawyer recently posted on Tiktok warning women about professions to avoid in a potential spouse. What if you’re already in a relationship?

Katherine Leonard, recently posted about her experience working as a divorce lawyer, warning women of five professions to avoid in a potential husband. The professions were firefighters, police officer, military personnel, surgeon and pilot. She went through her case history and found that there was a correlation between men in these occupations and her most difficult cases.

Leonard went on to explain that the men in these careers are more likely to be, “narcissistic, controlling…and have a how dare you challenge me approach to litigation.” She attributed this to them being, “gods in their profession… and respected.”
While I don’t question her lived experience, I do wonder if she’s correct in her assumption of causality. After all, she was representing her clients as the soon to be divorced ex-wives and may not have been totally impartial.
Is it feasible that they could all be narcissistic?
Narcissism is defined by the Oxford dictionary as, ‘A person who has excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.’ Narcissism lies on a continuum with Narcissistic personality disorder being at one extreme. This disorder is more prevalent in men than women but is only estimated to affect up to five per cent of the population.

I often question the value in applying labels to people. Labels can place people in rigid boxes and shape the lens through which we view their behaviour. Now if we work with the hypothesis that not all of these men were narcissistic, what other factors may they have in common, possibly contributing to the breakdown of their marriages and behaviour during the divorce proceedings?

All of these professions entail a lot of responsibility, long hours, often shift work/overtime and exposure to highly stressful, potentially life-threatening situations. Work related post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) could also be a contributing factor as police officers, fire-fighters and military personnel are often at risk of developing this and perhaps to a lesser extent, surgeons (particularly trauma surgeons) and pilots who’ve been involved in serious aviation incidents.

So, what if you’re already in a relationship or married to a man in one of these professions? Now, assuming your husband/partner isn’t a narcissist and is a decent, albeit flawed person who has a very demanding career; what can you do to mitigate the risk of separation/divorce?

Three tips to help
Put on your own oxygen-mask first
I’ve worked with a lot of women who have been feeling overwhelmed in their relationships, including some who’ve been on the verge of separation. I believe the first thing to do is to take responsibility for the way you’re showing up in the relationship. Responsibility can be seen as our ability to respond to life and we’re able to respond to life’s ups and downs more gracefully when we’ve dealt with our own “baggage.” This means addressing our previous traumas (big and small) so that we’re not easily triggered, learning to effectively honour and process our emotions and developing increased confidence in ourselves and resilience. For some women this involves learning to let go, others develop their voices to speak up for themselves, while others learn about setting healthy boundaries and practising self-care. When we feel good within ourselves we can be the type of partners we want to be.

Use healthy relationship behaviours as a model for your relationship
Happy couples have lots in common in terms of behaviour and we can all learn from their examples. They have a foundation of respect and trust and communicate effectively. Couples in healthy relationships make time for each other and show interest in their partner’s opinions, desires and needs. They handle conflict in a constructive way, keeping the conversation about the topic, not the other person’s flaws. Couples in healthy relationships laugh together, prioritise the relationship, focus on their partner’s good points and repair after conflict.

Be supportive
If your partner is experiencing a stressful time, be supportive and show that you believe in them. Listen intently and allow your partner the time and space to choose their own solution. Sometimes being heard makes all the difference. Other times a change in routine is needed, with some more ‘me time’ factored in. Exercise, mindfulness, time in nature, meditation and practising gratitude can all be helpful to lessen the affects of stress. Therapy can also be a good option to learn new skills, if the person is committed to change and ready to engage.

​Published on Medium.com 

 I often have clients asking, “Exactly what is NLP?” So I decided to write a very short piece to shed a little light on the subject.
 
NLP is an acronym for Neuro Linguistic Programming. It's a behavioural science that can help people create massive change and I use it in conjunction with hypnosis.
 
NLP was created in the 1970s, by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Quite possibly the most famous coach who uses NLP is Anthony Robbins and he was actually a student of John Grinder. The goal of using NLP is to help people achieve their potential. One could argue that our potential continually expands as we grow and change, so I see NLP as a tool to help people achieve their next level of excellence.
 
At its core, NLP involves modelling the language structure and behaviour of successful people. In essence, think the way a successful person thinks, speak the way they speak, behave as they behave.
 
Although different coaches employ varied approaches and techniques, there are key principles in NLP Principles. One important principle is that 'the map is not the territory.' As human beings, we only have our perception of reality available to us and this perception may not actually be correct. When we realise this, we can ask ourselves critical questions to recognize the stories we tell ourselves, which may not necessarily be true.   

When we use NLP, we employ neuro (brain based) and language strategies to influence our programming. Our programming refers to all our beliefs and habits, some of which may be outdated and not serving us. In doing so we’re in a position to choose better strategies which will empower us to reach our goals.
 
 
NLP can help you communicate better with yourself and others, identify your values, recognize patterns in your life, define your goals and change the way you think and speak; to place you on track to reach your goals. I find it a wonderful tool to have in my therapists toolbox, as I guide clients to access their inner wisdom and create change.